How To Talk To Your Children About The Attempted Assassination of Donald Trump
As a child psychologist, I mainly address the developmental, emotional, social and behavioral struggles of children, but sometimes the realities or events of the world can negatively impact a child’s emotional life – and parenting through things that are outside of a child’s control and are upsetting isn’t always easy.
Certainly, the attempted assassination of former US president Donald Trump this past weekend is one of those realities and events. While Mr. Trump is safe, the impact of what happened will be felt and discussed in our Nation for years to come, and this can be very confusing and upsetting for many children.
So, what’s the best approach to this sort of moment or topic as a parent? While some parents will want to protect or shield their children from upsetting events like this, others may feel that their children should know as much as possible about what’s happened. Every family is unique, and I offer the following tips to consider when speaking to your children about the attempted assassination:
Check your emotions before talking to your children about what happened. Children can be very perceptive to how their parents are feeling, so make sure you are calm, compassionate, reassuring and confident in your messaging if and when you choose to discuss the attempted assassination. Your children would likely benefit from hearing you discuss all the ways they are safe, and that while former President Trump was harmed, he is alive and safe as well. Demonstrating to your children your willingness to talk about the assassination attempt, and your interest in their thoughts and feelings on the topic, should serve to support them to address their concerns and fears and questions with you.
When talking to your children about the attempted assassination, remember that this is not a time to assert your negative views of former President Trump if you don’t support him as a presidential candidate. There is no doubt that we are currently living in very divided times in our country, but what your children need more than anything right now is to feel emotionally safe and secure, and your words as parents should focus on that. What children don’t need right now – especially younger children — is to hear their parents talk about how much liberals or conservatives are wrong or bad or are to blame. Children, during confusing and upsetting times, mainly need their parents to help them to feel emotionally supported and safe.
Consider your audience. Regardless of the concerning or upsetting information parents receive via the media, being mindful of what our children are capable of handling before discussing things is important. Thus, your child’s age, maturity level and threshold for worry/anxiety are all things to consider before discussing the attempted assassination. Just as you would not discuss tragic natural disasters or a family member’s serious illness or passing in the same way with 4-, 9- or 18-year-old children because of developmental differences, you would not do the same for this topic with your children of varying ages. In my opinion, parents should shield children five and younger altogether from complex and upsetting topics such as this. Parents should also alert older siblings to watch what they say around their younger brothers or sisters.
Teach your children about the attempted assassination and listen well. By educating your children about why this might have occurred, they will understand the topic better, which in turn will give them agency and serve to decrease their anxiety. In the history of our country, four US sitting presidents have been killed, three presidents have been wounded during assassination attempts, and there have been numerous other plots to harm US presidents. Mental illness and the shooters’ ideology appear to have been the two main motivations for the plots, attempts and tragically successful assassinations. Again, older children can discuss and manage this sort of information in greater depth, while younger children would benefit from more of a concrete or black and white approach to the topic, and very young children should be shieled or protected from it altogether.
Minimize your children’s exposure to the media. Turn off the news! News agencies tend to sensationalize stories like this with around the clock updates and commentary, and while this event is certainly newsworthy, such widespread exposure can cause increased anxiety for our children.
Anxiety as a reaction to uncontrollable external events such as this attempted assassination is understandable inasmuch as the need for safety and security is a very real human and universal need; that need is even more immediate for younger children who don’t possess the internal resources — intellectual or emotional — to understand, make sense of or tolerate complex topics such as presidential assassinations.
And while life events are beyond our control, parents have a duty to protect and inform their children when bad things happen in the world. If you choose to talk to your children about the attempted assassination, remember that informing them (age appropriately), listening closely to them (i.e. their fears, concerns and questions) and clarifying and supporting them, is what’s best.
Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D. “Dr. Mike” is a clinical psychologist in private practice.
He can be reached at 703-723-2999, and is located at 44095 Pipeline Plaza, Suite 240, Ashburn.