Ask Dr. Mike

Parenting Teens: A Local Psychologist’s Guide to Staying Sane Imagine the scene: You’re idling in the school pickup line, heart full, ready to hear about the day. Your teenager climbs in, tosses their backpack like it’s made of lead, and the “interrogation” begins. You: “Hey! How was your day?” Them: “Fine.” You: “How was the math test?” Them: “I don’t know.” You: “Anything interesting happen at lunch?” Them: (Sighs, checking a phone) “No.” You: “Do you have a lot of homework tonight?” Them: “Maybe.” The silence that follows is so heavy you could hang your coat on it. You wonder [...]

Raising a Two-Marshmallow Kid in Loudoun County -- A Community of Many Stories If you’ve ever heard of the “marshmallow test,” you might remember the classic experiment where children were offered one marshmallow now or two if they waited. The ability to delay gratification -- choosing a future reward over an immediate one -- has long been tied to persistence, emotional regulation, and long-term success. But what does it mean to raise a “two-marshmallow kid” in a place like Loudoun County, where some children rarely have to wait for much of anything, yet others face real and ongoing challenges? In [...]

Dr. Mike, My husband and I are in our 50s, and we’ve been married for 28 years.  Grown kids all successfully launched finally, doing very well in our careers, but something is missing for me.  I’m going through menopause, I’ve gained weight, I’m drinking red wine every night, and I find myself wondering, “Is this it?”  Not sure what to do to make things better, but between the empty house and menopause and getting older with all that has to offer, I’m not in a great place.  I don’t think my husband is either since he seems to be in [...]

Dr. Mike, Our son is 7 years old.  His teacher contacted us to discuss the school doing an evaluation on him since he is having attention problems, hyperactivity and behavior problems, and language learning problems in the classroom.  She also said that he seems to get anxious socially with the other kids often.  She suggested that he may be dyslexic given his struggles with reading and writing, and she said the evaluation they do would identify that if he is.  My husband and I are hesitant to have our son evaluated because we don’t want to label him in the [...]

Dr. Mike, Our 27-year-old son is still living at home with no motivation to do anything but play videos games and to have us leave him alone.  He started at NOVA after high school and dropped out and then returned to NOVA last year and dropped out again.  He told us that he didn’t like the teachers, but we saw that he didn’t do the work or make it to most classes with both attempts.  He’s had a few jobs, but those have only been for seasonal help in the winter or for short stints, and then he quits or [...]

Dr. Mike, My wife (49 years old) and I have been married for 24 years, and we have three great kids and a great relationship.  She was beautiful when I met her, and I think she's even more beautiful today. The problem is, she doesn't seem to think so. Over the past 7 years, she's become obsessed (and I don't use that word lightly) with her appearance.  She's done cosmetic surgery on her neck because she said her "jowls hung," the area around her eyes and forehead because she said she “frowned and looked angry all the time." She also [...]

Let’s Make 2025 A Winning Year Through Humility and Kindness! Humility comes from the Latin word humilis, which literally means low. But as a virtue, humility is often misperceived as being something that is undesirable or unattainable. How is appearing small or insignificant or worthless in relation to others an attractive quality? To the contrary, truly humble people are strong in that they possess the capacity to deflect self-importance in the service of others or a greater good. Jesus, Mother Theresa, Gandhi and Buddha are exemplars and ultimate definitions of humility. But for most of us, figuring out how, when and [...]

Family Gatherings During The Holiday Season:  The Pros, The Cons, Some Practical Tips And Some Things To Avoid The holiday season is often seen as a time to reconnect with family and to celebrate traditions. However, family gatherings can also bring challenges. For some, these moments are opportunities to create joyful memories; for others, they may feel like navigating a social minefield. Understanding the pros and cons of holiday get-togethers, along with actionable strategies for managing potential pitfalls, can help you make the most of your family time. The Pros Strengthening Bonds.  The holidays provide a natural opportunity to deepen [...]