Ask Dr. Mike

Dr. Mike, Our 27-year-old son is still living at home with no motivation to do anything but play videos games and to have us leave him alone.  He started at NOVA after high school and dropped out and then returned to NOVA last year and dropped out again.  He told us that he didn’t like the teachers, but we saw that he didn’t do the work or make it to most classes with both attempts.  He’s had a few jobs, but those have only been for seasonal help in the winter or for short stints, and then he quits or [...]

Dr. Mike, My wife (49 years old) and I have been married for 24 years, and we have three great kids and a great relationship.  She was beautiful when I met her, and I think she's even more beautiful today. The problem is, she doesn't seem to think so. Over the past 7 years, she's become obsessed (and I don't use that word lightly) with her appearance.  She's done cosmetic surgery on her neck because she said her "jowls hung," the area around her eyes and forehead because she said she “frowned and looked angry all the time." She also [...]

Let’s Make 2025 A Winning Year Through Humility and Kindness! Humility comes from the Latin word humilis, which literally means low. But as a virtue, humility is often misperceived as being something that is undesirable or unattainable. How is appearing small or insignificant or worthless in relation to others an attractive quality? To the contrary, truly humble people are strong in that they possess the capacity to deflect self-importance in the service of others or a greater good. Jesus, Mother Theresa, Gandhi and Buddha are exemplars and ultimate definitions of humility. But for most of us, figuring out how, when and [...]

Family Gatherings During The Holiday Season:  The Pros, The Cons, Some Practical Tips And Some Things To Avoid The holiday season is often seen as a time to reconnect with family and to celebrate traditions. However, family gatherings can also bring challenges. For some, these moments are opportunities to create joyful memories; for others, they may feel like navigating a social minefield. Understanding the pros and cons of holiday get-togethers, along with actionable strategies for managing potential pitfalls, can help you make the most of your family time. The Pros Strengthening Bonds.  The holidays provide a natural opportunity to deepen [...]

Dr. Mike, Our 18-year-old daughter went off to JMU for Freshman year this Fall, and we’re so proud of her.  She’s doing well academically and socially, but she’s upset with us for being “controlling” and for “micromanaging” her.  My husband and I told her that we would be keeping Life360 on her phone to monitor her whereabouts on campus for her first year away.  We told her that if she demonstrated maturity in making good choices, and if she gets good grades, we will then remove ourselves from Life360 for her Sophomore year and after.  She’s always been a great [...]

3 Reasons Why Social Media Shouldn’t Be Your Therapist With technology being so present in our lives these days, it can be tempting to turn our friends into virtual therapists when we are in a bad place or need help.  And while it’s perfectly fine to reach out to friends on-line for general support, it’s entirely another thing to seek guidance for larger mental health problems.  If you personally struggle with depression, anxiety, or alcoholism/substance use, or if your marriage is in trouble, or if your child isn’t doing well, etc., your problems won’t be adequately addressed on social media [...]

Dr. Mike, My husband and I have done very well financially.  Neither of us came from money or inherited anything substantial, but we’ve worked hard and have acquired quite a bit of wealth.  For context, we live in a $12,000,000 house, and we have other properties, several businesses and a large amount of money saved and invested.  My husband is adamant that we should not leave a dime to our kids, and he believes they should instead work for everything like we did.  While I agree with him that our children need to find their own way in life, and [...]

Dr Mike, Our 18-year-old daughter who is a senior in high school, is addicted to her phone, and we don’t know what to do.  The phone is always in her hand, and even though my husband and I don’t disapprove of most of what she’s doing with the phone, we also think she’s on it way too much.  We’ve tried to set limits, we’ve taken it away, we’ve talked to her, but nothing has worked.  In fact, everything we’ve tried so far has led to tension, disagreements or really bad fights.  Her position is that she gets great grades, she [...]